Lately when everyone asks me, "How's school been?" or "How are you?" I would reply saying that I'm doing great and that school's really chill since I know others who are piled on with homework.
But the thing is, now that I think deeper about it... things aren't okay. I can feel the presence of God guiding me, and I know for a fact that He'll never put me through anything I can't handle, but I feel like I can't handle this right now. By this, I mean school and life.
joy (:
Grade 11 seems to be taking its toll on me. I thought the subjects I picked out are perfect, and my schedule is perfect, but now I'm questioning whether if it really is or not. I'm taking Chemistry, Architecture, Visual Art, Math, Engineering, IAPS, Physics, and English - in that order right now to try and see what I like and what I want to consider as my future careers. Everything seems to be going along pretty smoothly, but underneath all this I feel completely lost. I don't get the things my teachers are teaching in class, especially in the science related subjects. I'm terrible with AutoCAD and computers, and I guess all I'm trying to say is - I feel dumb.
I feel stupid, cause I can't even grasp the simplest concept and it stresses me out since I'm trying so hard. It's only the beginning of the year, and I want to stick with these subjects because I like them in a way, but my relationship with them is on and off for me. Just like math, it's a love/hate thing. I guess I'm just a high achiever and it makes me upset to look at a homework sheet and not be able to answer ANYTHING. I just need the Lord to guide me right now. Perhaps this is a way for Him to get me to rely on Him more...
But I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage this... and for those who don't know; I got hired at McDonalds~ So I'll probably be working along side with Chan later in the year :3 Anyways, I got school, church, guitar and piano lessons, work, and my OWN time to balance out. I don't want to give up any of these but I'm questioning if I can really handle all that's on my plate right now. I know that the Lord has given me this opportunity for a reason; it's in His will - otherwise I wouldn't have gotten the job. But I desperately ask that you guys can pray that I can manage my time wisely, and understand the material in school. I really want to become like, an Interior Designer of some sort even though I'm terrible at math but I'm hoping by taking Architecture, Engineering, and Chemistry (subjects I have trouble with), I'll be able to get a step closer to what I want to be in the future.
I'm just so frustrated because I feel like my days at school are wasted and empty, cause I go home feeling as if I didn't learn anything or get any of the stuff taught in class. I just want to cry lol.
Please pray for a sister in need ):
5 Responses:
I will pray for you! Don't worry about not knowing what you want to be! I stayed an extra year because I wasn't sure either. When I got accepted to UofT (surprisingly not a hard thing to do) I was in the art history program. Then I switched to Architecture, THEN switched to geography! It's great you're taking all those courses so you can sample each and find out--but you still got at least 730 days to think about it. In my class I have a 60 year old grandma perusing her dream of finishing her undergrad. So, ENJOY learning! Don't just learn so you can BECOME something... During those many many years of study you'll never become a true architect or doctor or teacher unless you graduate. But, from what I've been doing through volunteering, I'm using what I've learned in class to help others. Many wait til they are graduated to start using what they've learned, but I say, why wait?
As for subjects you don't understand, don't feel down! Your teacher is there for your "disposal" lol and I rmbr a sharing that Yi said one time, how he felt weird asking the Lord for wisdom, then later realized it wasn't weird at all. I will definitely keep you in my prayers, and ask the Lord to provide you with wisdom!
*persuing not perusing lol I'm typing this on my iPod. That takes skiiiiilllll!!! :P
Thank you Kay for your support and story about that 60 year old granny hahah :3
I prayed a ton yesterday night, and today definitely felt a little better than I did before >.<
I know EXACTLY how you feel! It's good that you can keep praying! Keep up the good work. I'll deff keep praying for you (:
Thanks Angela :3 <3
Post a Comment