It’s so hard to explain how I feel, or the things I’m going through to them. They assume they know everything, but they don’t. I hate that they keep thinking negative things about me. They keep saying that I’ve changed for the worse, and they blame it on me being Christian and think my church is influencing me. Or that my friends are influencing me, and that I buy things or do stuff just cause I’m following what my friend’s are doing. I don’t, and I’m not a follower.
I wish they would try to understand me better instead of looking at things from such a twisted perspective. I honestly do try to be a good daughter and respect them, etc. but they just don’t see it. Sometimes it frustrates me, and I get sick of trying. I want to give a good testimony for my church, and for those around me but the language barrier between me and my parents make it so difficult.
Sometimes I just let them think the way they do, because even if I try to explain it they won’t understand. In the end, I’ll only get frustrated and take it out on them and it’ll just backfire on me. To save myself from that whole process, I just decide to ignore it.
I know I have bad habits, like how I’m lazy (at home), and that I have issues with my anger… but it’s hard to control. I just don’t know how to express myself around my parents. And sometimes I can’t tell whether my dad is joking around, or it’s because of his age and he’s forgetting things. It irritates me that he asks questions that are obvious, maybe it’s cause he thinks it’s a good way of striking up a conversation. It makes me annoyed because I can’t predict or know how he feels cause his angry voice and joking voice are the same.
It’s so frustrating. Like how they keep comparing me with our cousin in the States. It’s wrong to be jealous, but I can’t help but feel that way when they keep praising him about how great he is - sometimes it makes me feel so invisible. It’s like that time when we were visiting them and all my parents could talk about is him, him, him. Like one time when my dad was pissed off about us being late, and he said “Really, none of you guys have personalities like me except for your cousin,”. That one really hurt.
And lately I’ve been pretty moody. I’m not sure if it’s due to girl problems, or that I’m just stressed about picking my courses for next year. I realized that I tend to have quicker mood swings… this afternoon I was really chatty and silly, but when I got home I became all tired, sad, and sluggish.
Sigh, I honestly don’t know what to think.
Pray for me!
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Hey guys.This is my first post on the L&S blog, and I'm sorry about starting it off with a rant - but I've been having a bad mix of emotions lately and I thought I could share it with you guys for some support.
I just kind of copied and pasted it from my own blog, so I guess that's why you haven't been seeing my posts around here...
Anyway, I'll try to post more often and keep you guys updated.
See you all around.
5 Responses:
awww *hug*
i suck at giving advice, so i'm just here to *hugg* lol =)...
best way is to entrust all to the Lord, He hears all our prayers! i remember when i started going to church, my mom was very against it and made me so frustrated that she couldn't understand me etc, but i just go to the Lord, rant to Him loll... He understands us the most and i'm sure He will work things out for the best.
i'll pray for you =)
once again -- *HUG* lol
hehe, thanks jennt! i'll remember that :)
Hi Jessica,
right now i know that why you want to learn Chinese, wow you are such a good daughter :)
It doesn't matter your parents know that you are a good daughter or not now. They will finally know if you keep being good.
You should know that God knows and He really appreciates what you did. We don't need people know our good deeds. Of course if they know we will feel more happy. God is the one who understand and know all. No matter how the people misunderstand us, I feel peaceful in my haert because I know He knows.
You need to keep your peaceful heart and continously to be a good daughter.
Pray for you,
Cally
Oh Jessica! I feel for you. Language barriers are hard to get past & it takes a lot of dedication and patience to learn another person's language just to communicate with them (& to order food.. as I have trouble in Chinese restaurants -_-").
Don't be in despair sis, as hard as it is for you to express yourself to them, it's probably just as hard for your parents to understand you equally. As parents, they're trying hard to understand what their children are going through as well as trying to figure out their own kids' personalities as a growing human being! And the only way they can seem to find out is by making assumptions. If you argue (or in better words & methods),prove them wrong, it's a process of elimination & over a course of years--several years maybe--they slowly begin to understand their child as not only a child but a growing personality & not what they had feared you might become.
I had SO many conflicts with my parents too, not because of language barrier--no we all speak Americano--but because times were obviously changing and my dad got very concerned that I might end up getting lost in the world of material things. Every parent wants to know that their teenager is special and unlike all the other teenagers that seem shallow on the outside. (And you can thank News Media for scaring the bananas of concerning parents with the constant reporting of some 16 year old's death in an alleyway due to drugs & watching too much TV.)
My dad does that quite often--the whole asking questions to the obvious. He does it to check up on me and to keep the line of communication open. Without these 'dumb' questions like "what time does your class start?" (which is obviously posted on the fridge), the only time I would talk with him would be when I feel like going to Canadian Tire and buying some power tools... they're fun. It's really not like we have much to talk about anyways, for goodness sakes we've lived together for two decades. Conversations become as mundane as "what's the weather like outside?" "cold, wear a hat" "okay".
Good communication is a long process as I had to go through (ughs), but patience and prayer is key! Add oil!
Thanks for your support guys! It really means a lot, and I appreciate it! I don't know how else I can word it, but yeahh.. your comments really help me see things in a different view. I guess they're trying equally as hard and I should also try to understand them as well...
And Kay, I like how you think things through so maturely :) Hahah you'd probably make a great parent somedayyy.
How precious that the Lord has given me this family~ ^^
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