The past year has taught me something, and for those who are still in high school, I hope you can learn from this too!
In the year of 2010, I got accepted into U of T's art history program. It was exciting for me, I had dreams of myself going to Europe studying ancient art work, giving lectures about the wonders of chapels and cathedrals (one of my favourite art subjects, by the way). By winter of 2010, I started having doubts about my educational path. I doubted the most about what God wanted me to do. In fact, I even doubted that God was even trying to lead me at all, like He just left me to fend for myself in this mess of an education.
Although this is my second year in university, I am technically still in first year because of all the courses I dropped during my first year because I changed my program so many times in that one year (art history, architecture to geography). This confused me a lot, I was angry and became frustrated and impatient with God. God why haven't you shown me my path yet?What if I don't have a path in life?
The beginning of Spring of 2011, I begin to pray for God to show me my path. I asked Him to show me what to do. Slowly things started to fall into place, I took summer school and got in every single one of my classes and I passed them all! However, this was not made known to me yet that God was putting things into place for me, I was still lost and still kicking myself for not knowing what to do with my life.
A new prayer entered my daily prayers, God use me in this generation; please speak through me. I realized I had to stop asking for God to give me things--give me a path, give me a way, give me wisdom, give me a good professor...--so I went on the approach of asking Him for me to give back. If I wasn't getting the things I wanted, perhaps I have gotten too much lately, and it was time for me to give back? That was my theory.
I believe God used me during SDC in some way small or big--I am still amazed how I managed to balance both summer courses and being there every other day at 591 for the kids! He provided a way for me. He's also been using me in my family; He's allowed me to become closer with my cousin. She's expressed of how appreciated she was for my comfort when she wasn't feeling well with her situation. She said I "always seem to know what to say". When I think about it, maybe it wasn't me speaking those words but Abba himself? Lately I've also gained a better understanding of how to sympathize with others--although that is still in progress, but I'm a lot better at it now!
Although He's given me these opportunities to glorify Him, I still felt like He's left me unanswered about what my future holds. Did the Lord want me to go continue helping others? Did the Lord make my schedule less busy so I could be with my family more? Yes and yes!
At the beginning of this school year when the grades for the summer courses I took were posted online, my heart plummeted. A dreadful thought swept over me, I wasn't going to make it into the Urban Studies program. I cried for a day. The Lord doesn't want to give this to me! What now?
As I was going through my program choices today, I noticed something I didn't see before--actually my friend pointed it out to me. (It's too long to explain what I noticed but bottom line is...) I still have a chance to get into the program! As I said, it's too difficult to explain the situation, and because of this difficulty to explain is what makes this so wonderful because it's so complicated, yet the Lord may be working His way around it for me. It really lit up my cloudy week.
Whether this is what He wants me to go into, whether to meet certain people or to actually pursue this as a field of study, I will add this into my daily prayers: Lord let me see and hear Your words.
The Lord speaks in mysterious ways. May we continue to keep a sharp eye and an ear to hear what He wants us to do, to ask, and to see for Him. Sometimes the things we started out with (like art history) can turn into something entirely different. May we entrust our future onto His hands.
With love,
-K
2 Responses:
<3 it's true God works in mysterious ways, and also in His time :)
your sharing is very encouraging! Keep us updated!
Amen!
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